Vampiric Faux Pas
by kismet-wayfinder
Summary: Oneshot. After falling asleep while trying to study for a History test, Bart Simpson finds himself lost in a nightmare that only to proves more strange as it goes on.


**I don't own The Simpsons /disclaimer**_.  
>I decided to write this after seeing the episode "Stealing First Base", so this story features Bart and Nikki.<br>_

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><p>The rain was pouring down in rapid fashion outside the bedroom of Bart Simpson, and the swaying winds that went along with it was doing a good job of lulling his tired eyes to closing every so often, his head dropping a fraction of an inch as he drifted off to periods of sleep. Though he would inevitably jerk awake after a short while, it was in vain, as he'd manage to read only a sentence or two from his History book, before drifting right back off again.<p>

"Must… study…" he said to himself in a zombie-like groan, rubbing at his eyes with his balled up fists.

His mother had promised him the reward of going to the movies the next evening if he did well on the upcoming History exam, so he was doing his very best to study, and study hard, if only to see the newest killer-robots-take-over-the-city, action-packed thriller. As the last few sentences of the paragraph he was on all seemed to mash together, letters swirling and mismatching with other letters, the spiky-haired boy soon found himself asleep again, his face falling forward onto his open book, as if it were a makeshift pillow.

As he began to snore, it was quite apparent that Bart was not going to reawaken this time, at least not anytime soon, anyway, and as the storm outside picked up, so did his tired mind, images in his head whirling about, forming a strange, but surrealistically coherent narrative…

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><p><em>… The sky was a strange color as Bart rode his skateboard to school. It was purplish-blue, with hints here and there of gold and red, and there was no sun in sight. It was completely overcast with colorful mounds of clouds.<em>

"Strange weather we're having," Milhouse said to him, seeming to appear out of nowhere.

"Yeah. It looks like God had too much fun with a color by number," Bart replied, but when he glanced back over to Milhouse, the bespectacled boy was no longer there.

Startled by this, Bart rubbed at his eyes, before doing a double-take, and then coming to a stop on his skateboard to pause and look around. Milhouse was definitely nowhere to be seen.

"Creepy…" Bart murmured to himself, before kicking back off on the skateboard.

Within a minute or less, he found that he had arrived at school, and as he rode his board up the railing and landed before the main entryway, Bart was confused by the lack of noise. Normally the morning time was anything but quiet at his school, and so with great caution he entered on inside, his skateboard tucked under his arm as he crept on within.

He had taken a few steps forward when someone tapped on his shoulder from behind. Turning around, Bart saw that it was his sister, Lisa. Dressed in a red hood, she said to him a strange, too-even tone of voice, "Brother, what big _eyes_ you have."

"Knock if off, Lisa. This isn't some low-cost production in the school's auditorium, this is just first period. Where is everyone?"

"Brother, what big _teeth_ you have."

Sighing, Bart rolled his eyes and turned to walk away, heading in the direction of his locker. He had just reached it and had managed to work the combination lock when he felt a second tap on his shoulder. Turning around after opening the locker's door, he blinked, a bit caught off guard to find his sister standing right behind him once again. "I don't have time for this. I have a History exam this morning!"

"Brother, what _un-characteristically white and pallid skin_ you have…"

Confused, Bart instantly glanced down at his own two hands, before shouting in surprise as he found them to, indeed, be milky white in color. Quickly stuffing his skateboard into his locker, he slammed its door, before rushing down the hallway to find the men's restroom. Bolting inside it, he stared at his equally pale reflection in the first mirror he came across, before emitting a terrified scream. He barely looked recognizable at all.

Beginning to hyperventilate, Bart took several steps back away from the mirror, his heart pounding in his chest - a chest that, he realized in horror, was probably a grotesque shade of vanilla, as well. "My skin is pale, my eyes are gold, and my hair is _combed over_. What the what, man?"

Shaking his head in terrified confusion, he dashed out of the restroom at once, only to find that there were now plenty of students in the hall, most of them fiddling with their lockers. As he walked past a group of gossiping girls, he couldn't help but notice as they all stopped what they were doing to openly gawk at him, their mouths forming strange little smiles, a twinkle forming in their eyes.

"…_gross_," Bart whispered to himself as he arched an eyebrow at them, before picking up his pace, walking faster to try and get as far away from them as possible.

This soon proved futile, though, as he found that most every girl he passed by dropped everything in order to just stare at him longingly, and by the time he reached his classroom, he was being followed by at least six of these girls, each wearing the same, bizarre expression. It was like a weird cult mix of cheerleaders-meets-zombies, and Bart wanted nothing to do with it.

"Leave me alone!" he shouted, before backing into the classroom and shutting the door and locking it.

As he turned around afterward, he felt confused to see that it was not his teacher in the classroom, but the other fourth grade teacher instead. "Take a seat, Mr. Cullen," she said in a tired sounding voice.

"My name is Bart _Simpson_," he answered her angrily, before choosing an aisle to walk down and finding a seat.

"Whatever," the teacher said, still in a tired voice as she remained stood by the chalkboard.

As he took his seat, Bart glanced over and saw a sight that made him feel relieved. There was a girl in the desk next to his, but she was reading a magazine, uninterested in him in every possible way. Finally, a girl that wasn't out to stalk him, or to possibly eat his brains, or something.

"Hey, I'm Bart," he said to this girl, who took her time finishing up reading the article before her, before even glancing up to look over to him.

"They call me Nikki," she said, before returning to her magazine.

"So… what's going on? Why is your class in my home room today?"

"What are you _talking_ about?" the girl asked, looking back at Bart as if he were a mad man.

Looking back at Nikki, Bart noticed that her eyes were strangely easy to get lost in, and that if one found their way out of them, then becoming tangled in her beautiful locks of ebony hair would be the wanderer's final fate. He then proceeded to shake his head back and forth in a rapid fashion, trying to rid his mind of this random, new habit of being sickeningly poetic.

"Uhm, _hello_?" Nikki said, leaning forward to snap her fingers right in front of Bart's face. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, sorry. Right. Uhm… maybe I'm the one who has the wrong room," he said to her, before getting up from his desk and walking back to the door, which he found could not be opened.

"You locked it when you came in, remember?" Nikki called out to him, before rolling her eyes and folding her arms over her chest.

Sheepishly laughing, Bart said, "_Riiight_, I forgot about that."

However, even after unlocking the door, the young man found that the doorknob seemed to be locked regardless. "Yo, teach'," he said. "How come this door won't open?"

When no answer came, Bart stopped trying to instead look over at her. When he found that the teacher was no longer there, he looked back to Nikki, who was busily interested in her magazine yet again.

"This would be a bad time for a fire drill," he muttered to himself, before kicking the door that would not open.

Rather than receiving an injured toe, Bart was shocked to see the door literally fly off of the handles, out into the hallway, taking out the group of weird girls that had clotted just outside in the process. It was more satisfying than getting a strike in bowling.

"¡_Ay, caramba_!" Bart exclaimed, his eyes wide.

"How did you _do_ that?" Nikki asked him, seeming to find herself in a state of pure amazement as she hurriedly made her way over to Bart, to join him at the door.

"I dunno, but it was cool!" he exclaimed, before taking hold of her hand and rushing out into the hallway with her. "Let's see what else I can do!"

What followed would have appeared to the person witnessing it as a veritable montage of the strange and astounding. Dragging Nikki along as he went every step of the way, Bart proceeded to crush things like pencils and textbooks to dust, upturn entire lunchroom tables, break out windows with a mere flicking of his fingers, and he even managed to open his locker by simply ripping its door off. Taking his skateboard from within, he hopped onto it and motioned for Nikki to hop on the back edge. Doing so, she wrapped her arounds around his neck, before screaming in surprise as he took off at a blazing speed.

Together they practically flew so quickly on the skateboard that it was hard to take the g-force that came along with it. As they neared the school's main entrance, Bart took a boomerang from his backpocket and swung it at the double doors. The boomerang flew right at them, before knocking them off their hinges so that they both fell forward, and then swooped back around to Bart, who took hold of it and stuffed it back into his pocket once again.

"You're so _dreamy_," Nikki said to him in his ear, and Bart abruptly brought the skateboard to a stop, before craning his neck around to look at her in fear; however, she still didn't have that weird cheerleader-zombie look on her face, and so he shrugged off the statement. Somewhat.

"_Please_ don't say that again, or else I might have to disown you."

"Oh, but _Bart_," Nikki said, frowning as she clasped her hands together. "We're meant to be together. Surely you don't mean that!"

"Yikes!" the fourth grader exclaimed, before moving to jet away from Nikki on his skateboard; when he looked down, however, he found that the skateboard was no longer there - in fact, it was nowhere to be found at all.

Looking back to Nikki, Bart slowly backed away in unadulterated terror. Or, at least, he intended to. It appeared to be the case that the more he tried to escape her, the closer his body inched in toward hers. Like a magnetic force, the two of them drew each other in. Nikki fluttered her eyes to a close as she got closer, whereas Bart kept alternating between rubbing his eyes and smacking himself in the head, trying to get the weird thoughts that were filling his head, well, out of it.

_Nikki's eyes are irresistible_… his inner voice said, before he challenged it aloud, shouting,  
>"She is not! She is a girl who is acting gross!"<p>

_Nikki's hair is like raven feathers spun into pure perfection_…  
>"My God, <em>no<em>!"

_Nikki is the most beautiful creature to ever be seen on the face of this Earth_…  
>"Leave me alone! <em>Leave <em>- _me - ALONE_!"

Before he knew what hit him, Bart found himself face to face with Nikki, and try as he might to close his mouth and keep it shut tight, this proved to be impossible as his mouth opened wider and wider instead. In a nearby window he could make out his reflection. Crying out in alarm, Bart was alarmed to the extreme to find that he had grown fangs. Looking back to Nikki, he closed his eyes as her neck became more and more clear, his fangs seemingly ready to sink right in…

* * *

><p>…"<em>Bart<em>, _come on, you're gonna be late for school_!"

Jerking awake, Bart found himself in his room once again, a trail of drool leading all the way down the page of his History book. Quickly looking outside his window, he could the see that the sky was no color other than its normal, light blue shade.

"Milhouse is waiting for you outside. Now come on, I don't wanna be late, too, on account of you oversleeping."

"Alright, alright, Lisa," Bart said in an annoyed voice, before turning to face her and giving a start - she was wearing a bright red hoodie, the hood part draped up over her head.

"I promise I'll get ready in a flash and meet you and Milhouse outside. Just one thing, Lisa," he said to her. "_Please_ wear something other than a red hood today."


End file.
